Why High-Achieving Women Struggle Most With Infertility and How to Start Thriving

High achieving women are often told to try harder.

But in infertility, striving can quietly keep the body stuck.

In this episode of the Love and Science Podcast, Dr. Erica introduces Starting To Thrive, a 12 module course created from over a decade of clinical experience in reproductive endocrinology.

She shares why infertility so often overwhelms the nervous system, why information alone is not enough when the body is in survival mode, and how real transformation begins when the mind and body return to safety.

In this conversation, Dr. Erica explores:

• Why chronic striving increases stress and blocks healing

• How calming the nervous system supports fertility

• The role of authentic hope grounded in science

• Making empowered, values based decisions

• Navigating triggers, bad news, and waiting

• Building support and community in an isolating journey

This episode marks the official launch of the Starting To Thrive Course, which includes a structured 12 week program, practical tools for meaningful change, and 18 CME credits for physicians and other health aligned professionals.

If you have been doing everything right but still feel exhausted, anxious, or stuck, this conversation offers a grounded and compassionate path forward.

You do not need to push harder.

There is another way, and it starts with learning how to thrive.

www.loveandsciencefertility.com/starting-to-thrive-course

As always, please keep in mind that this is my perspective and nothing in this podcast is medical advice.

If you found this conversation valuable, book a consult call with me using this link:

https://calendly.com/loveandsciencefertility/discovery-call

Also, be sure to check out our website: loveandsciencefertility.com

Follow us on social media:

IG: www.instagram.com/loveandsciencefertility

FB: www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61553692167183

Please don’t let infertility have the final word. We are here to take the burden from you so that you can achieve your goal of building your family with confidence and compassion. I’m rooting for you always.

In Gratitude,

Dr. Erica Bove

Transcript:

Hello my loves, and welcome back to the Love and Science Podcast.

I am coming to you today from my living room. It is the eve of Epiphany, which is also the day my course, Striving Through Infertility, officially launches. I cannot even begin to tell you how excited I am that this resource is now available. So many people are going to benefit.

When I formed Love and Science, I thought to myself, people need a course. People need guideposts. I have been doing this a really long time now, and there are certain themes that come up over and over and over again. So I started to record. I started to record videos. I started to ask my people what they wanted to hear about. And I really started to say, okay, what would be the most high yield way for my people to learn, to transform, to really engage with the material so that they can become a different version of themselves.

I will tell you that I have been doing this a really long time, and when people are able to connect their minds and their bodies, when they are able to calm the nervous system, to understand their why, to feel their feelings, to hold on to what I call authentic hope, which is hope grounded in science, when people are able to start to do that and then ask themselves the hard questions, that is really when the transformation begins.

And so I have created a step by step guide. It is a twelve module course, which means my recommendation is to do one module a week and really work with it. I always say to my people, figure out when you are going to do this. I would set aside at least an hour to an hour and a half a week. Some people do more, some people do less, but really to carve out that time for you, for your transformation, for your investment in yourself.

Because if you are like me, the best money I have ever spent has been on coaching programs. And like I always say, what you get out of it is going to be proportional to what you put in. The structure is there for massive transformation and massive results if you show up and engage with it.

So why did I do this. I did this because my people were suffering in silence.

I started practicing about a decade ago in the context of an academic environment. And I remember day after day giving people the latest data, giving people my utmost compassion and empathy as I bring to every single day. And there was something about the conversation where I knew I was not reaching people. That was incredibly frustrating for me. I was thinking these are smart, talented, beautiful women, and what I am saying is not sinking in.

And I think it is because infertility takes so much. It takes a person’s dignity. It makes people anxious. It makes people overwhelmed and unable to absorb information. And so what I wanted to do was to say, okay, what is actually going to work for my people.

And that is when I started creating. I started recording videos. I started, you should see my notebooks, I have so many mockups of maybe this will work, maybe that will work, maybe this will work. And ultimately it was the coaching tools that I found most valuable in terms of helping people to get through their journeys.

So I started to record the top twelve topics that seemed to come up the most in my REI practice. And not just the most common topics, but the actionable tools where I was seeing transformations already in my patients that I knew people needed to have.

Because I knew that millions of women are suffering in silence right now. And there is now a resource, which is my course, that will guide people through the steps of how to calm the nervous system, connect with the deepest why, trust the process, and ultimately be successful.

So who is this for. This course is for any high achieving person, women specifically, who are interested in growth, who are interested in transformation, who are interested in next year being in a different place on their fertility journey than they are today.

It is the beginning of January. We are thinking about transformations. And when I look at my journals, I want to see that in a year I have made progress. I do not want to see the same thing week after week, month after month. That is very sad to me. I want to be growing. I want to be changing.

And when I created this course, I wanted to reach as many people as possible. I wanted to have an impact where every single person who engages with this material can say I am a better person for it. I am a more empowered person for it. I found my voice. I am navigating my fertility journey from a more grounded place.

And I wanted people to be able to take these tools, not just to their fertility journeys, but to other aspects of their life, like their work, their relationships, and ultimately parenting. Because that is the goal, to have children, and then to parent in a more conscious, empowered way, to improve everything with the next generation. We build on the previous generations, and that is what we are trying to do here.

So what else is amazing about this course.

After a long time and finally finding the right team and the right group, I was able to secure eighteen CME credits for this course, which is amazing. The last conference I went to, which was a three day conference, had only a fraction of that.

If you are like me and you need to submit CME for renewing a license or applying for a new license, CME can be very expensive and it can be really hard to get. But I have included that in this course so that when you do the twelve week course and you pass a quiz at the end, which if you are at all paying attention during the course you will pass the quiz, you will be able to get eighteen CME credits.

And if you have professional development funds, you may be able to apply those. Ask your institution to cover the cost of this course because it is continuing medical education.

Now yes, this is continuing medical education for physicians, but it is also for anybody else in health aligned fields who needs continuing education. Occupational therapists, nurse practitioners, physician assistants, dentists, you name it. I wanted to make it as inclusive as possible because we know when we spend all of our days caring for other people, it can be really hard to care for ourselves.

And I wanted to give people the resources to be able to do that in a way that also gives them CME credits and in a way where they may be able to get some funds from their institutions to support their journeys.

Because let’s be honest, when we are well humans, we show up at work as a different version of ourselves, a better version of ourselves. So it is a win win win all the way around.

Okay. So let’s talk about what the content of this course is.

If you have ever hopped on a call with me, you know that we always start with our deepest why. What is the deepest why. The deepest why is why we are on the fertility journey in the first place. It relates to why we are still on the path. Because if you look at your journey on paper, other people might have tailed off by now. And so you are here for a reason. The desire is in your heart for a child for a reason.

And once we can figure out what that reason is, that becomes the motivation when times get tough. As the roller coaster happens. Because there is always going to be some combination of good news and disappointing news. So really honing in on that deepest why, and our values, and our identity, that is the foundation for what we do.

And then I teach you how to feel your feelings.

If you are like ninety nine percent of the population, you have never been taught how to feel your feelings. It can be uncomfortable at first, but that is why I am your guide and I will help you.

Like I said, there are worksheets and homework and interactive exercises. There are ways to check in several times a day if you wish. And you get to practice how to sit with discomfort, how to process feelings, and how to become a more evolved version of yourself.

I always say the only way to get to the other side is through the feelings.

And the more comfortable we can get with processing emotions, we realize they actually do not take that long to process. They often teach us something. I think of them as data. And then we can come out on the other side with that feeling released, and more in control of our experience.

And the goal is not to become robots. The goal is to become the most evolved version of ourselves.

If I can learn how to process sadness, grief, disappointment, fear, anxiety, hope, gratitude, love, all those things, if I can hold them in my body and then let them go, then I can handle anything.

So that is what we do. We calm the nervous system with that safety. Then we feel the feelings. Then we start to look at mindful self compassion, which is so important. And also authentic hope. Why does it make sense for you to keep going.

Like I said, other people might have given up by now, but you are here for a reason. So why does it make sense for you in particular to say yes, it makes sense to keep going.

Then we turn our attention to other aspects that I have found are particularly valuable for high achieving women on this pathway.

Sometimes it is setting boundaries, so we have a whole module on boundaries.

Other times it is learning how to fill our well. Because if we are truly going on empty, it is really impossible to do this work. It can take so much. We have to make sure we are filling the tank, and I teach you how to do that.

I also talk about dealing with bad news. This comes up very often in the coaching calls because we always hope for the good news, but sometimes if there is disappointing news we can feel blindsided. So that is really important.

Another really important module is balancing trust and advocacy. Especially if you are in medicine, but really for anybody who is on this path. It is helpful to know when to speak up, when to trust the process, and which questions to ask for you specifically so you can understand, is this the right fit, do I need a second opinion, maybe I do, maybe I do not. I have come up with a really useful scheme to balance trust and advocacy. Easier said than done. Sometimes it is hard to turn off the clinician brain. But we can do it, and I have a roadmap.

Waiting for the pregnancy test is another really important module. We all know that nine or ten days can feel like forever. So I give you my best strategies for how to pass the time, both intentional distractions and also processing feelings as needed, to get you to that pregnancy test, because that is such an important window of time.

Also gratitude.

The longer I live, the more I realize gratitude is so important for our brain chemistry. It is really interesting how when we start to be grateful it becomes hard to turn it off because our brains become primed to look for what is actually going well.

I have a gratitude practice with my very good friend Dr. Jenny, she is an OBGYN. We have done this for years, sharing three gratitudes a day. But sometimes I cannot stop at three. Sometimes I keep going. Sometimes that is in the middle of a really horrible day.

If we can look and say, okay, what am I for, and savor that in our bodies, that is when we start to recognize the people in our lives, the love, the support, the teams, all those things. And not in a pollyanna way at all. If you know me, you know I am not about platitudes. I am not about anything false or toxic positivity.

But in a deep, grounded, I would say spiritual way, acknowledging the good encourages us not just to see more good, but to receive more good.

Triggers is another really important topic. I created a whole module on triggers, how to navigate family functions, the holidays, being in public, seeing pregnant people, all of those things.

I go through my system of trigger prevention, processing, and then post trigger analysis so we can heal from the inside out, so that the same stimulus does not cause the same effect over time.

And then values based decisions.

Part of my motivation for creating Love and Science and for creating this course is that a lot of my patients were struggling to make empowered choices. We would talk about IUI cycles, IVF, pros and cons, and people get stuck in rumination loops and analysis paralysis that are very hard to break.

So part of what keeps us from making empowered choices is limiting beliefs we may not even know we have. I help you uncover limiting beliefs so you can make the most empowered, confident choices about your fertility journey.

And then lastly, finding your tribe.

We are so isolated. Especially with the rise of social media, and after COVID when we truly had to be isolated, it can be really hard to find your people. If you are in your late thirties or forties, or you have had a medical career and moved every few years for training, it can be even harder.

Based on the literature that social connectedness is so important, I created my best strategy for finding your tribe. Finding people who understand you, who do not judge you, and who lift you up and help you navigate this process with love, support, and community.

So those are my twelve modules.

Your why, your values, your identity is the first one.

Feeling your feelings is the second one.

Authentic hope and mindful self compassion is the third.

Filling your well is the fourth.

Dealing with bad news is the fifth.

Balancing trust and advocacy is the sixth.

Boundaries is the seventh.

Waiting for the pregnancy test is the eighth.

Gratitude is the ninth.

Handling triggers is the tenth.

Decisions and moving beyond limiting beliefs is the eleventh.

Finding your tribe is the twelfth.

Now, I have learned from my people over the last couple of years that at Love and Science we really have to lean into the science.

As a practicing REI, there is so much science coming out all the time. I make a point to go to the American Society of Reproductive Medicine annual meeting. I follow boards where people talk about hard cases. I am involved in the fellowship program at my university. We do journal clubs. We read papers.

And my idea of a fun day sometimes is to hole up with PubMed and a stack of articles and make sense of these really hard clinical questions. I mean that sincerely. I really do get excited about the science.

Because what I know is that when we can lean into the science, when we can understand what it is actually saying, that is when people’s journeys can be transformed.

I take it very seriously that it is my job to translate that to people, whether you are in medicine or not. To help you understand the studies, your particular situation, and how you might benefit from the science right now. We really have come so far. But I do think that sometimes that tailored approach can be missing.

So what I have done is I have added my most popular webinars and podcasts on my most science heavy topics.

That ranges from questions like why are my high quality embryos not taking, to IVF adjuncts, to should I add this, should I take that away, and I go through the science and the data about why we do what we do, and what is on the forefront of care.

So we are always on the cutting edge of the latest science and technology to give you the best chance of a successful outcome.

So with that, I am launching this course. I am so incredibly excited that it is available as a resource.

As of today, this course is officially live. It is a very valuable, wisdom packed, experience packed course with the worksheets that I have created and tailored specifically to you. I have brought in all the resources that I know of to help people during these very crucial parts of the journey.

The feedback I have gotten so far has been absolutely amazing in terms of people feeling more grounded, more empowered, finding their voice, asking higher level questions, and starting to enjoy life outside of the fertility journey. It has been amazing to hear how people are resonating with the content.

I also want you to know that this course is fully refundable. If you begin the material and feel that it is not the right fit for you, you can request a full refund. I created this course with deep care and intention, and I want people to feel safe engaging with it. There is no risk in starting.

So please do get your course today.

If you are in a medicine aligned field, there are eighteen CME credits, and also the opportunity if your institution has funds to be fully reimbursed, for the course.

So I will end this podcast as I end all of my meetings and my podcasts, because my motivation is that I love you dearly.

I believe every single person who wants to have a child deserves to have a child. That desire in your heart is there for a reason, and there is a way. We just do not know how the little soul is going to come to you yet, but there is a way.

And sometimes we just need to find the authentic hope. Sometimes we just need the right guide.

We will have the links in the show notes. We will make sure that all over social media you know exactly how to get this course.

But I am incredibly proud of it. I am incredibly excited that so many people are going to benefit. And I cannot wait to hear the feedback once you start engaging because it is my best stuff.

I have been doing this for over a decade. It is everything I have got, and then some. And I cannot wait to hear how it is transforming you and your journey.

So until the next time, I love you. Bye.